Dear God. Is it over yet?

No?!

Pour me another drink.

Ok, I know all of you are desperately, breathlessly awaiting Nathaniel's final, earth-shattering, ever so insightful Oscar predictions. Surprise! You get me instead. "The Boyfriend." (That mysterious entity that you've heard about, but not, until now, heard from.) Well, here's the situation: Nathaniel is beside himself. Fraught with self-doubt and second-guessing. So it's up to me to save the day. And, in a certain respect, perhaps I'm just the person for the job. You see, while I live with a film addict, I myself am more of an impartial, outside observer. And this is what I have to say to you: It doesn't matter.

Keep breathing and stay with me for a moment. You've all been anticipating this moment for months. It has consumed the vast majority of your waking moments. But truth be told, I think that for most of you, this moment is a bit of an anti-climax. The race is the thing - the wondering, the anticipation, the ongoing (seemingly endless, to some of us) debates - this is what keeps you all typing and reading way past your bedtimes. But now it's out of your hands. The decisions will be made and you'll all have nothing left to do but bitch and moan about how your choices were so unjustly ignored.

Perhaps you feel, as Nathaniel is feeling at this moment, that I'm just being mean-spirited. But I think if you'll really pause for a moment and reflect on your obsession, you may just find that I'm right. I mean once the decision's made there's not much you can do about it, right? Well, I suppose that's not entirely true, we can all just change tacks and move on to endless post-game analysis. I mean, you've all got to have someting to discuss. But I understand that obsessions aren't rational. (Trust me - I've lived with the obsessed for years now - I know of what I speak). So no amount of counter-argument will help. Take a deep breath and control those jitters for just a moment more. Before I unveil the predictions (yes, yes, you WILL get them), I must, on Nathaniel's behalf, offer a caveat or two.

You see, your beloved Film Bitch seems to be having difficulty accepting his own predictions because, well, apparently they're pretty much like every one else's. Well...since you all read and write each other pretty much non-stop, this seems a tiny bit inevitable, non?Or maybe it's just one of those rare years when the planets have aligned (or gone severely out of whack) resulting in a few clear front runners and a whole lot of dreck...(or do I mean Shrek?). In any case, I'm sure none of you need reminding that no matter how much careful analysis, detailed research and mystical devining you devote to this endeavour, the Academy always manages at least one surprise. So instead of giving yourself ulcers, why don't we all just relax this year and take a Zen-like approach while we wait to see what that bunch of semi-senile retirees concocts for us. In the meantime, feel free to escape my ramblings and peruse what you're really here to see:

Nathaniel's Oscar predictions can be seen here...

-the boyfriend.