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Majors / Technicals -1 / Technicals -2 / Extras / Extras 2 / Scenes 1 / Scenes 2

 

*** SPOILERS FROM HERE ON OUT -(OBVIOUSLY) ***

Hero of the Year
the noble nominees are

EDWARD BLOOM Ewan MacGregor & Albert Finney in Big Fish	FRODO (& SAM) Elijah Wood & SeanAstin in The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King	MADAME SOUZA (& BRUNO) in The Triplets of Belleville	WILL TURNER Orlando Bloom in Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl	WOLVERINE Hugh Jackman in X2: X-men United
Blessed with: An innocent and adventurous spirit, deep love of life, huge heapings of good luck, bonafide charisma and theatrical flair as a storyteller. Problem solver. This man keeps his promises. Achilles Heel: Tall-tale telling. Triumph: Endless love for wife and son	Blessed with : Sam's superpower? Unswerving loyalty. Frodo's: Willpower. This boy just won't quit/die. Possessive rings, poison, spiders --whatever. He'll make it through! Easy-going & good natured, these guys are in touch with their feelings: Behold, the power of two. Achilles Heel: Gollum Triumph: Endurance	Blessed with : Unflappable can-do spirit and love for her grandson. That provincial French je ne sais quoi no-nonsense charm. Club foot power! Achilles Heel: Unorthodox travel methods --but she'll make it there eventually. Triumph: Saving her son. Performing w/ famous musicians.	Blessed with : Agility, superior swordsmanship, mean blacksmithing skills, and the ability to look hot and manly while wearing feather plumed hats and flowing shirts. Achilles Heel: That pirate blood line. And sweet, beautiful Elizabeth. Triumph: Wins the girl. Embraces his true heritage.	Blessed with: Hugh Jackman's homosuperior charisma. Super speedy recovery from any injury, indestructible claws and skeleton, a true hero's heart and sense of humor poorly hidden beneath a gruff exterior. Achilles Heel: His missing past. Triumph: Saving fellow X-Men and student mutants.
Faith, Hope, Charity, Fortitude, Justice, Temperance and Prudence
Finalists: The rest of the Fellowship (Return of the King) I love you all, bye bye [insert copious weeping here] Semi-Finalists: Elle Woods (Legally Blond 2) Snaps for Elle! fighting for both animal and homo rights * The Bride (Kill Bill, Volume 1) ---but then again, since she's entirely lacking in any of the heavenly virtues... perhaps "Hero" is the wrong word * Seabiscuit (Seabiscuit) that's one horse with spunk. "I hate spunk!"

Villian of the Year
the dirty bastards are

BULLSEYE Colin Farrell in Daredevil	CAPTAIN BARBOSSA Geoffrey Rush in Pirates of the Caribbean	"Cottonmouth" / O-REN ISHII Lucy Liu in Kill Bill, Vol. 1	"EVIE ZAMORA " Nikki Reed in thirteen	"The Infected" Various actors in 28 Days Later
Guilty of... Indiscriminate multiple assassinations, sadism, stalking, Homoerotic fixations on boys in red leather. Henchmen? He is a henchmen. He's just more interesting than the boss. Sentence: Longterm hospitalization -until the sequel which we pray may never come.	Guilty of... 'Quality-of-life' threatening portions of Gluttony. Murder, theft, kidnappings, threats, dishonesty, mutiny, and fear mongering are also part of his code. Henchmen? The cursed pirate crew of the Black Pearl. Sentence: Cursed (literally) life, followed by Death.	Guilty of... Multiple assassinations, revenge killings, organized crime, pride, and the crashing of weddings. Henchmen? Go-Go Yubari (bodyguard), Sophie Fatale (best friend and cell phone enthusiast), and the unruly yakuza gang "the Crazy 88s". Sentence: Death by scalping.	Guilty of... Embodying the evils of peer pressure in her shoplifting, boy screwin', drug snortin', lyin' teen-age frame. Henchmen? Astrid --blond, dumb, easily influenced. Tracy will soon join their strutting teen vamp clique if all follows Evie's wicked plan. Sentence: Unhappiness.	Guilty of... Temper tantrums, ravenous insatiable rages and hunger, excessively bad hygiene (some visine would help for starters) Henchmen? Each other. It's like the Borg or something. You will be assimilated or, well...eaten maybe. Sentence: Starvation and death in mass numbers.
Wrath, Envy, Gluttony, Pride, Sloth, Lust, and Avarice
Finalists: Captain Hook (Peter Pan) A classic villain amusingly portrayed by Jason Isaacs * The Witch King (Return of the King) -He implied that he would have a showdown with Gandalf, which would have made him a better villian... but alas, despite the greatness of his scene with Aeowyn, it's a cameo * Semi-Finalists: Shelob (Return of the King) -she needs to get out of the tunnel more often. * Sauron (Return of the King) still just a giant eye. Even after 10 hours! * Fritzi (Camp) -'you are a scary girl' * Eris (Sinbad) -Pfeffer's voice is top notch but otherwise. zzzz * Go-Go Yubari and the DiVAS (the deadly viper assisination squad)(Kill Bill, Volume 1) -The Bride's rogues gallery is mighty spectacular but other than O-Ren it's essentially a collection of cameos at this point. Not enough meat.

Sexpot of the Year
the luscious and lickable are

JANE & IAN Frances McDormand & Allesandro Nivola in Laurel Canyon	JAGGER Yehuda Levi in Yossi & Jagger	JULIE Ludivine Sagnier in Swimming Pool	MYSTIQUE Rebecca Romijn Stamos in X2: X-Men United	WOLVERINE Hugh Jackman in X2: X-Men United
Do not put these two in a room to test your sweet girlfriend's virtue... "Twosies beat onesies but nothing beats three."	They call him 'Jagger' because he looks like a rock star. Can I be a groupie ? Please, huh, can I ?	"Don't be so naive. He's the king of orgies." Like father like daughter? The entire audience hopes so.	I spent a lot of my time, thinking about blue... --this time out RRS gets to wow in her own flesh color as well.	Wolvering has berserker rages... We have berserker sex fantasies involving Hugh Jackman.
Finalists: Helen Mirren (Calendar Girls) I thought about giving Helen Mirren a sexpot award and then it occurred to me that Helen Mirren and sex are like redundant. She's the sexpot Hall of Fame. She is the queen of cinema sex * Semi-Finalists: Jimi Dmitry (The Guru) & Sean William Scott (Bulletproof Monk) -it's the war of the cute grins *

 

Diva of the Year
the reining focus pullers are

Angela Arden Charles Busch in Die, Mommy, Die!	"The Bride" Uma Thurman in Kill Bill, Vol 1	Capt. Jack Sparrow Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean	Madison Lee Demi Moore in Charlies Angels: Full Throttle	Tinker Bell Ludivine Sagnier in Peter Pan
Turn ons: Her son. Fame, affected speech patterns, pretty delivery boys, Tony Parker. Hobbies: Gardening, singing, poison, and murder. Reliving her glory days Turn offs: Her daughter. Her husband. Pitch problems.	Turn Ons: Hattori Hanzo steel, the color yellow Hobbies: wiggling her toes, killing 'subordinates', seeking revenge Turn Offs: 1. O-Ren 2. Vernita 3.Bud 4. Elle Driver 5.Bill	Turn Ons: He gives a damn about his bad reputation. You have heard of him right? Rum, women, and the Black Pearl, savvy? Hobbies: The pirate's life for him. Also dabbles in matchmaking. Turn Offs: Jail cells, death. Betrayers and mutaneers.	Turn Ons: Astrology, surfing, wearing fur coats with bra, panties, & talon (?!) Hobbies: Stroking golden phallic guns. Looking just like an actual 90s supersta--hey, now, wait just a minute! Turn Offs: Taking orders from Charlie. Those do-gooder Angels	Turn Ons: Peter Pan and Captain Hook. Hobbies: Making mischief, lying, manipulating the Lost Boys. Flying about spreading fairy dust. Turn Offs: 'The Wendy Bird.' Tink needs Peter all to herself --She's not going to be ignored.
Finalists: The DiVAS (Deadly Viper Assasination Squad) in Kill Bill, Volume 1: as a collective there's no one more diva-licious and dangerous. * Marilyn Rexroth in Intolerable Cruelty -though she borrows most of her diva nature from the actress playing her methinks. * Semi Finals: Barbara Novak -loves to hate Catcher. Or is it hates to love Catcher. But in Down With Love, she has the wardrobe of a world class diva, if not the attitude. * Catcher Block -loves to hate Barbara. Or is it hates to love Barbara. In Down with Love he does have a fabulous life as ladies man, man's man, man about town. He's the cock of the walk * Jane in Laurel Canyon for her timeless rock chick swagger *

 

 

Best Tag Line
yes, I am obsessed.

CAMP	KILL BILL, Volume 1	LOST IN TRANSLATION	A MIGHTY WIND	SPELLBOUND
"a Comedy about Drama"	"Here comes the Bride" and "In the year 2003, Uma Thurman will Kill Bill"	"Everyone wants to be found"	"Back together again for the first time, again."	"Everyone wants the last word"
For those wondering "why anyone would ever honor taglines?" --it's like this. Most taglines are so nauseau inducing (think of In the Cut's: "Everything you know about desire is wrong" -ugh!) that the very few that don't piss me off or make me feel like regurgitating --well, I figure that's something of an accomplishment. Right?
Finalists: All the Real Girls -"Love is a puzzle. These are the pieces" Hulk -"The inner beast will be released" Semifinals: American Splendor -"Ordinary life is pretty complex stuff" * Calendar Girls -"They dropped everything for a good cause" Mystic River -"We bury our sings, we wash them clean"

 

Best Individual Line Reading
I told you I was bonkers

ANYTHING ELSE	KILL BILL, Volume 1	PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: The Curse of the Black Pearl	THE STATION AGENT	X2: X-Men United
"What a question! Just cause I pull away when you try to touch me?" -Christina Ricci's neurosis hits full funny boil in Woody Allen's latest.	"And you're here to fuck, riiiight ?" -Uma Thurman gets her rage on in a blood curdling moment in her personal revenge melodrama.	"But why is the rum gone?" But really pick a line. Pick any line. No one did more with a line this year than Depp, repeatedly did as Jack Sparrow.	"I wanted to be near Joe" -Peter Dinklage cracks Patricia Clarkson up in the beautifully acted indie dramedy.	"Is that what they say?" Is there anyone with a richer voice in today's cinema than Sir Ian McKellen?
Other Great Ones: "I am no man" -Miranda Otto gets her moment (and how) in Return of the King, * "Help Meeeee" -Helen Mirren, ever the sexy puncturing wit in Calendar Girls * "Is that my daughter in there?" -Sean Penn's voice gives way to a mounting terror in Mystic River *

 

Best Poster Design
see? I'm absolutely cuckoo

ALL THE REAL GIRLS	THE BARBARIAN INVASIONS	ELEPHANT	IRREVERSIBLE	THE MATRIX RELOADED
Like some great lost album cover. A perfect conceit for the type of film it is.	Characters as cartoons. Gives a great sense of the movie's mischievous spirit.	Beautifully simple yet I love that the juxtaposition is uncomfortable and odd.	No poster scared me more in '03. (Except maybe the Cat in the Hat but you get my point)	While the actual 'burly brawl' proved a boring dud. The poster promised very cool villainry.
Finalists: Big Fish -Teaser poster: tree and title design. Seabiscuit -Offcenter racing shot kicking up the dirt. Looks like one formidable racehorse. Semifinals: The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King -Individual character one sheets only. Particularly Frodo's and Gandalf's * The Matrix Reloaded -Individual costume shots / character one sheets only. Kill Bill, Volume 1 -With sword in hand "Here comes the bride"

 

 

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