Awards
Page Index
* OSCAR coverage here
'07 FiLM BiTCH
Awards
by Nathaniel
R
Traditional
Oscar categories:
Majors
/
Acting /
Technicals /
Technicals 2 (Tally of Noms)
Special Categories: Extras
/ Extras 2 / Scenes
1 / Scenes 2
(Tally of Noms) / Movie Mixers (Poll Games)
this page contain some spoilers
Diva of the Year
demanding your obeisance and
worship
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"Beowulf" Ray Winston (voice and movement) + CGI Beowulf |
"Cherry" Rose McGowan Grindhouse: Planet Terror |
"Elizabeth" Cate Blanchett Elizabeth: The Golden Age |
"Margot" Nicole Kidman Margot at the Wedding |
"Marjane" Chiara Mastroianni (voice) + animation Persepolis |
Turn
ons: Exhibitionism, nude wrestling, big breasted water demons Hobbies: Telling tall tales, shouting his own name Enabler: Wiglaf Turn offs: Nonbelievers, wives who call him on his s**t, personal weakness |
Turn
ons: |
Turn
ons: Speechifying, manipulating and living through her court members Hobbies: Shouting, wearing sea creatures and/or fowl -often both at once Enabler All her bitches wear her collars! Turn offs Spain |
Turn
ons: Belittling loved ones, chilled wine Hobbies: Decimating the self esteem of others, drinking, tree climbing, quietly judging people --OK, not "quietly" Enabler Loved ones Turns offs What isn't beneath her? |
Turn
ons: Bruce Lee, political activism, bad 80s rock, boys Hobbies: Enjoying pop culture, breaking rules, surviving Enabler Strong willed family members Turns offs Sexism, boys, ABBA, war, being away from home |
| Finalists:
"Briony" (Saoirse Ronan)
is never wrong. Briony saw it with her own eyes * "Zöe
Bell" (Zöe Bell) in Grindhouse: Death
Proof * "Jude" (Cate Blanchett)
in I'm Not There. Do not question her! * "Piaf"
(Marion Cotillard) a diva for sure, but the film's heart seems
to be in her weaker more pathetic moments and not the famous
divadom * Semi-Finalists: "Jesse James" (Brad Pitt) although he loses points for wearying of his own legend * "Lenny" (Sigourney Weaver) in The TV Set * "Rachel/Ellis" (Carica van Houten) in Black Book * "Charlie Prince(ss)" (Ben Foster) in 3:10 to Yuma |
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Hero of the Year
the
noble nominees are
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"Marianne
Pearl" Angelina Jolie A Mighty Heart |
"El
Ray" Freddy Rodriguez Planet Terror |
"Remy" Patton Oswalt + animation Ratatouille |
"Robert
Neville" Will Smith I am Legend |
"Tracy
Turnblad" Nikki Blonsky Hairspray |
Blessed
with: Tenacity, clearheaded global values, commit-ment to the truth Achilles Heel: Tightly controlled emotions sometimes misinterpreted Triumph: Survival. Maintains journalistic values |
Blessed
with: Quick wits, agility, resourcefulness in weapon making, and an extremely hot one legged girlfriend Achilles Heel: That breakup. His rep with the law Triumph: Survival through procreation |
Blessed
with: Knowing his calling. A highly developed palette and perserverance Achilles Heel: He is a rodent. Triumph: Gets five star reviews, melts the heart of a cynic, fulfills his dream |
Blessed
with: Tenacity, strength, muscles, brains. And a great puppy Achilles Heel: Loss of hope. He needs more faith Triumph: Overcomes crippling defeats (the dog. sniffle) Finds the cure |
Blessed
with: Tenacity, joie de vivre, enviable rhthym and self-loving Achilles Heel: Daydreaming. She can hear the bells and sometimes little else Triumph: Integration now! Also: gets her man |
Faith,
Hope, Charity, Fortitude, Justice, Temperance and
Prudence |
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| Finalists:
Sam Whitwicky (Shia LeBouf) in Transformers
like I Am Legend he provides starpower and
humanity amidst all the CGI spazzing * Giselle
in Enchanted would have been an easy choice had she
actually been giving anything heroic to do. Very passive that
girl... * Beowulf his achilles heel is more
like an achilles leg. It practically makes him an anti-hero
but boy can he fight the beasties. Semi-Finalists: Rachel / Ellis in Black Book and Dieter in Rescue Dawn -here's to surviving! * Peter Parker is falling down the ranks cuz he just can't get over the same issues every movie (SpiderMan 3) |
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Villain
of the Year
An
odd category this year since so many of the evil men were
actually protagonists, making them not so much villain as anti-hero.
Anyway...
the dirty bastards evil bitches are
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"Anton
Chigurh" Javier Bardem No Country For Old Men |
"Dolores
Umbridge" Imelda Staunton Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix |
"Lamia" Michelle Pfeiffer Stardust |
"Mrs.
Coulter " Nicole Kidman The Golden Compass |
"Velma
Von Tussle" Michelle Pfeiffer Hairspray |
Guilty
of... Multiple killings, grudge holding, violent performance reviews --you don't want to work for him Accomplices Dwindling. He kills them off Sentence: Still haunting us |
Guilty
of... Mutilation, evil power grabs, piety, and general killjoy antics Accomplices Ministry of Magic. The Death Eaters. You Know Who Sentence: Angry centaurs will decide ...off camera so who knows what their punishment is |
Guilty
of... Vanity, animal sacrifice, black magics, a highly carnivorous diet, murder and enslavement Accomplices Two sisters. But this isn't Hocus Pocus... doesn't play well w/ others Sentence: Old age |
Guilty
of... Kidnapping, lies, soul destructions, excessive piety Accomplices a golden monkey, The Magisterium (i.e. The Church) Sentence: Unknown unless you've read the books. Gets more interesting in each |
Guilty
of... Obstruction of (civil) justice, racism, nepotism, general bitchery and living in the past Accomplices "Am-berrrr" Sentence: Unemployment. You can stop her beat |
Wrath,
Envy, Gluttony, Pride, Sloth, Lust and Avarice |
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| Finalists:
The Zodiac Killer a bit amorphous as villains
go, but that's part of the charm---er, horror of Zodiac
* Stuntman Mike -a strong performance from
Kurt Russell in Death Proof * Charlie Prince
-3:10 to Yuma (sad that he wasn't the main villain
since Crowe's gunslinger is less fun to watch) * The
Monster in The Host * Semi-Finalists: Mr. Bebe -4 Months 3 Weeks and 2 Days * And in Spider-Man 3 they had two great opportunities in Sandman and Venom, neither of them realized for the overstuffing. That's a shame. |
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Sexpot
of the Year
the
luscious and lickable are
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"Beowulf" Ray Winston + CGI Beowulf |
"Cecilia
& Robbie" Keira Knightley & James McAvoy Atonement |
"Leonidas
and the Spartans" Gerard Butler & cast 300 |
"Rachel
/ Ellis" Carice van Houten Black Book |
"Rae" Christina Ricci Black Snake Moan |
Hilariously
teased nudity and CGI perfected physique. Bonus points: noisy.
Likes to scream his own name out. |
Separately
they're beautiful. Together: ravishing. No wonder Briony can't
take the entire shimmering vision in. |
Enough
beefcake posing and homo-eroticism (even up to that last Sebastian
bit) for 10 films. You can keep the movie, though. |
You
can't keep a good sex symbol down. Even when she's in hiding
she can't help but flash her gams. van Houten's a real star |
Too
bad about the jutting ribcage (eat!) but otherwise Ricci is
trashtastic in her panties and ever present chains, her libido
always roaring. |
 Finalists:
Grendel's mother (Angelina Jolie) in Beowulf &
Silver Surfer Fantastic Four:Rise of the Silver Surfer
... What can I say? It was the year of soft porn CGI as fantastical
characters continually displayed their anatomically incorrect
junk in teasing beefcake/pinup poses * Semi-Finalists: Gina (Marisa Tomei) in Before the Devil Knows You're Dead - "can she interest you in seconds?" * Cherry (Rose McGowan) in Grindhouse: Planet Terror *Dr. Pomatter (Nathan Fillion) in Waitress. If it weren't Captain Tight Pants what would possess her to jump his bones? * We were robbed of more Emily Blunt in Charlie Wilson's War don't you think? * Lust, Caution couple (see: sex scenes) |
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Best
Adaptation/Combination/Song Score
the
mix and match compilations are
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Control |
Hairspray |
I'm
Not There |
Once |
Zodiac |
Music
Supervisor (Ian Neil) Songs (Joy Division and New Order) Performed
by (Sam Riley, Joy Division, New Order) |
Music
Supervisor (Matthew Rush Sullivan) Songs (Marc Shaiman) Performed
by (Movie Stars Who Can Sing!) |
Music
Supervisor (Jim Dunbar and Randall Poster) Songs (Bob Dylan)
Performed by (Bob Dylan and various artists) |
Songs
(Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová) Performed
by (Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová) |
Score
(David Shire) Music Supervisor (George Drakoulias and Randall
Poster) Songs (Various Artists) |
| Finalists:
none Semi-Finalists: Sweeney Todd -the greatest stage musical score ever written? Near the top at least. So a major bowing down to Stephen Sondheim. Still, this particular treatment doesn't hold a candle to any of the cast albums. And the ballad, the best number (!), is missing * Into the Wild Michael Brook, Kaki King and Eddie Vedder* Enchanted -Fun but I wish it were a little more inspired, or at least fuller in the song and dance sense * Black Snake Moan -Score (Scott Bomar) Songs (Various Artists) |
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Best
Tag Line
why
do i have so many awards categories? I do not know
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The
Brave One |
Hairspray |
I'm
Not There |
Michael
Clayton |
No
Country For Old Men |
"how
many wrongs to make it right?" |
"you
can't stop the beat" |
"Christian
Bale Cate Blanchett Marcus Carl Franklin Richard Gere Heath
Ledger Ben Wishaw ... are all Bob Dylan" |
"the
truth can be adjusted" |
"you
can't stop what's coming" |
| Finalists:
Hot
Fuzz "Big Cops. Small Town. Moderate Violence"
* Year of the Dog "Has the world
left you a stray?" * Semi-Finalists: Margot at the Wedding "one family. infinite degrees of separation" |
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Best
Poster Design
frameworthy
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Black
Snake Moan |
Grindhouse:
Planet Terror |
Michael
Clayton |
The
Savages |
The
Simpsons Movie |
The
best "pulp" poster since Pulp Fiction itself,
right? That exploitation feel is just right for this particular
southern cinematic trip |
ROSE
MCGOWAN HAS A MACHINE GUN FOR A LEG!!! That never got old.
It went straight from geeky-new to nostalgic-classic. The
poster kept it striking and direct |
The
tag line as hostile takeover of the twin mandatory giants
of movie posters (big title and big star face) felt bracing
and fresh |
The
simplicity and symmetry of the siblings, the father with back
turned? Wonderful. Captures the movies melancholy humor well |
If
you already have iconic characters and motifs by all means
use them. Bonus points if you can use them in very funny memorable
ways |
| Finalists:
300 * I'm Not There (individual profiles)
* Semi -Finalists: Bug * Hairspray (teasers) Zodiac (German version) * There Will Be Blood --honestly, there should never be anything but teaser posters. They're always more brilliant and bold * Hot Fuzz -the poster salutes the buddy action genre, too * |
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