reviews
Short Notes on: Before Sunset * Birth * A Dirty Shame * The Forgotten *
The Motorcycle Diaries * Shaun of the Dead * Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow * Wimbledon *
November Personals |
You know how we do. Each time these capsule reviews come I have to choose some silly gimmick to get myself caught up on my reviewing duties. So here we go. Having already explored Karaoke , comedic surveys, and brevity, I fear running out of stupid gimmicks. I know many readers would prefer full length reviews but with the country still being led by a fiscally irresponsible, corporate loving, bible-thumping, homophobic and Orwellian administration I have had other things to think about. Like for example: How the f*** are peaceful tax-paying productive gay Americans supposed to build a life for themselves and their families in an otherwise great country that seems hell bent on hating them while turning the clock to before the civil rights movement?
But I digress...
Back to movies. This month's mini reviews take the form of Personal Ads. The following movies are lonely and looking for that special audience to make them complete...
Before Sunset
Endearingly chatty indie seeks patient nostalgic former viewers to share special memories with. Can we get back together? If we are still right for each other, we'll know quickly. You'll have patience to sit through thorny, fascinating, and sometimes raw discussions filmed in real time. I believe in deep conversation above all else. You'll have a good memory and be able to see how well I've aged. You'll appreciate my character lines, my deeper beauty, and if all goes well I promise you a special, no... make that perfect ending to our evening together. Let's do it again in 10 years time, OK?
A- (more on Before Sunrise)
Birth
Somewhat masterful yet difficult arthouse fare seeks perceptive and sophisticated cineastes. The easily spooked, puritanical, and/or impatient need not apply. I can promise you beautiful music, artful cinematography, and at least three hugely memorable sequences. That's more than most films can promise you. But maybe you still won't want me? Is that possible? I know I may seem impossible. Yet, I warn you: I am easily misunderstood and some readings may make you exceedingly uncomfortable. I also have closure issues. I know that. I mean it doesn't make any sense to say so. But I know I do. I am not necessarily easy to love but I am worth getting to know. Am I sending you mixed messages?
B+ (more on Birth)A Dirty Shame
Goofy, charmingly obnoxious movie seeks an audience, any audience, for laughs, any laughs. I have a few good jokes to tell you. One of my funniest is a character named Ursula Udders. Even people who don't like Selma Blair seem to laugh about her. I like to tell my best jokes (and my mediocre ones) over and over again. So, if you like repetitous nudge-nudge wink-wink types, I'm your movie! I am not as libidinous in practice as you've been told but I am totally randy in spirit. So talk dirty to me. I'm up for discussing anything should you be feeling frisky. And please (oh god please!) laugh at my jokes.
C-The Forgotten
Do you like gotcha moments or surprises? I love to play tricks on people. Even if they make no sense whatsoever. I'm kind of shallow and I'm not really looking for a long term relationship ---so if you're looking for a good time, I think we'll hit it off. Or if you're a homebody who rents movies but doesn't really pay attention to them while they're on, we also might hit it off. I'm not really picky. Neither am I the sharpest knife in the drawer but my beauty (of the flame haired unforgettable sort) more than makes up for it I think. I hope.
CThe Motorcycle Diaries
Young idealistic hagiography/road trip/biopic seeks nostalgic visually motivated hipsters and squares to enjoy me. Bask in my beautiful picture show. Go all liquid with desire staring at the beauteous international heartthrob Gael Garcia Bernal. It's OK. Seriously, everyone does it. Be moved by my enticing musical threads. I may be simpleminded but I'm also fairly seductive.
B-
Shaun of the Dead
Clever scrappy little British flick seeks audiences of all types. I can fulfill your romantic comedy desires. You like zombies? I got those too for you horror fans. You like cheeky British humor? I'm your man. I'm quick on my feet, smarter than most, and always good for a laugh. In fact, I guarantee you some major guffaws and at least one or true truly inspired bits --check out my zombie imitations for one. Some audiences may feel that my moodswings can be a little jarring and awkward, but I bet you'll enjoy having a beer and a good laugh with me anyway. Try me out.
B
Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow
Unique-looking adventure movie seeks easily wowed lemmings/geeks to 'ooh' and 'ah' at my computer generated retro-futuristic details. Besides my enticing look (I work really hard at it even if I go all fuzzy when I can't quite pull it off) I'm... well, OK, so I don't have much else to offer. But I think you might still like looking at me. I'm an eager exhibitionist. And I have lots of pretty actors inside of me already. Including Angelina Jolie with a hot new look. You know she's always the life of the party--"hey wait, Angie -ANGIE--Where are you...?" Um, hey. Oh, you're still here? Um. Here's some more special effects to look at! The movie's not over yet, so, don't leave.
C
Wimbledon
Romantic sports comedy seeks appreciative audiences. I am definitely underrated despite being just a regular 'good time' type of popcorn flick. Maybe you like Hugh Grant movies? Paul Bettany does a wonderful variation. Maybe you like Kirsten Dunst? She's in me too. They look super together. There's something non-typical about me that folks who like me have a hard time articulating. I am charming if deeply conventional. I'm an easygoing film and we just might hit it off if you don't need the earth to move. Let's take this slow. If there's no chemistry, we can still be friends and have a fun night.
B
All reviews and commentary by Nathaniel R.
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