reviews
Short notes on: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind * Games People Play: New York * Laws of Attraction * The Passion of the Christ *
early birds medley (pt 2) |
Here I am again with one LAST installment of this Karaoke nightmare. The following reviews will be either sung through or written in haiku. (* Please note: This is the last time I will inflict this specific torturous method on you, my faithful readers. And once again, my hearty off-key apologies!)
Ready... Set... Go...
Eternal Sunshine
superbly imagined, this
resonant romanceEternal Sunshine A
(Apologies to Chicago's "Look Away")
(sung by Julianne Moore to the nation's critics)
When you wrote me up this mornin'
Told them 'bout my new film you'd just seen
Well, I'm grateful to you
For your really hateful review
Now they'll find another film
I guess they won't be comin' to this
This bomb is over, maybe?
It's really over, baby! (whoo-hoo!)
And from what you wrote
I know you've gotten over me
Will my comedy ever net
The raves I use to get?
But if it's gotta be this way
I'm still great at drama, baby
so I can take this news okay
But...
(To the audience)
If you see me Rom-Com'ing by
And the strain is in my eyes
Look away, baby, look away
Fluffy light and sexist comedy? hey,
That's the one thing I can't play
Look away, baby, look away
Don't look at this film...
I don't want you to see me this way!Laws of Attraction: D+
(p.s. Julianne Moore is still God. But God is way more skilled at tragedy than comedy)
Exploitative trash!
This genre's only good for
showing lots of fleshGames People Play: New York D-
(With apologies to Prodigy)
Change my thing up, smack my King up
Change my thing up, smack my King up
Change my thing up, smack my King upyes I think that's about how deep "The Passion" goes...
or...
(With apologies to Britney Spears)
Gibson:
Oh Jesus, savior,
How were they supposed to know
That peacenik image isn't right here
Oh Savior, Savior
Your bloody torture I needed to show
(And I only got an "R", yeah!)
I'll show them how manly you can be
I think the audience needs to know, just because...
Caviezel:
These evil Jews are killing me
But I'm tougher than you've ever seen
Tougher than Arnie, Stallone and The Rock combined!
Give me a liiii-iii-iii-iiine
or flay me, Gibson, one more time!
Gibson:
Oh savior baby
The reason I film is you
Did that crown leave you blinded?
It's Christ-love baby
Nothing too gruesome for me and you
It's just how I imagined it
Show them how manly you can be
I think the audience needs to know, just because...
Both:
This crazy movie is killing me
I must confess I still believe
When we're not suff'ring we lose our minds
Aramaic liiii-iii-iii-iiines
Flay our Savior one more time!The Passion of the Christ D
All reviews and commentary by Nathaniel R.
Return to Review Archive
