reviews
Short Notes on: Capote * The Dying Gaul * Grizzly Man * In Her Shoes
* Oldboy * Pride & Prejudice * Proof *
Movie Personals |
It's the return of "Personals" --last year about this time I realized that full reviews were not going to be happening so I opted to round the feature buggers up and explore their compatability with their perspective dates: You and I, the moviegoer.
So here we go...
Capote
Serious and sometimes impressive indie seeks discerning adult audiences to wrestle with my well-stated but uncomplex positions on the conflict between human compassion and the demands of art. I feature well regarded performances, very effective cinematography, and I'm easy to admire. You see, I'm something of an art biopic which makes me ideally suited to be appreciated by both serious moviegoers and overly traditional critics and Academy types, too. I am gay but I don't believe in flaunting it, so you probably won't notice. I don't really like to flaunt anything, actually, apart from my central performance (for which I live to serve) and the tears of my villain. Boy can that man cry.
B
The Dying Gaul
Polysexual ART seeks masochistic audience to abuse. We could meet for coffee I suppose but why don't we try an online hookup first? Let's see if we like each other, or each others (?) as the case may be, first. My IM name is ihatehollywoodandihateyoutoo --I am almost always online. But please do not talk to me about movies. Hollywood is corrupt. Movies suck. They have nothing to say. Neither do I really but I can talk for hours about anything and nothing. Friends tell me I am indiscriminately hostile so if sloppy haphazard rage turns you on, I'm all yours. Not interested in anything serious! You must be OK if I just suddenly end the relationship. If you feel unsatisfied, angry, or cheated afterwards...well, that's your problem, isn't it?
DGrizzly Man
Do you ever feel like leaving it all behind you and living in nature? Timothy Treadwell did. He's my chief selling point with whom you're possibly already familiar. But he's only one of my arsenal of three unforgettables. There's also the cuddly looking but deadly wild bears and my visionary director and narrative voice, Werner Herzog. The collision of all three makes me unbeatable as this years documentaries go. Truth is stranger than fiction. I am seriously one of a kind. My living and your viewing may be rough but it'll also be edifying, hilarious, and downright fascinating. See if you can figure me out. You'll probably never forget our encounter.
A-In Her Shoes
Girls. Girls. Girls. I hope that caught your eye. I'm a feminine crowd pleaser looking for appreciative audience of the "you go girl!" variety to cheer me on in my needier moments. I'd also really love for men to take a good long loving look at me. How does that song go again? Oh yeah "I'm every woman... it's all in me" That's me. I am really. I'm sexy --look it's Cameron Diaz in a pushup bra. I'm brainy and cute --there's Toni Collette doing her great actress thing again and never asking for any credit for it. What a generous talent she is. And finally, there's the legendary Shirley Maclaine blessing me with a bit of wit and wisdom. If I'm a bit bloated and directionless, just bear with me. I can't edit myself. Indulge me and I promise that I'll prove pretty satisfying as chick-flicks go.
B
Oldboy
Tarantino and his Cannes jury love me. You might too. I am one hot film. Just look at me. So stylish and great. Worship me! I am way cooler than any other film. Check out those sleek transitions, my skill with the cutting, those sick suggestive sound-design asides. Be amazed at my cruel virility. I am a serious badass. Feel the pain. Oh yeah. Audiences with weak stomachs need not apply. Pansy film critics who need good storytelling, memorable characters, or sharp wit to justify spending time with über violent showoffs (Like, say, Kill Bill ) can suck my ****. I rock.
D -
Pride & Prejudice
Don't stop me if you've heard this one before! Charming rejuvenating British dramedy seeks remake-wary filmgoers to startle. I'm delightful but not overbearing, witty but not frivolous, and chatty but not exhausting. I think you'll love me. I have marriage in my mind so if you're scared of commitment, you might consider passing. Because once you see me, you might fall in love --even against your own will, the advice of your Colin Firth loving friends, or Jane Austen purists.
A -
Proof
This seriously depressed drama needs a lot of love and patience. Can you provide? I am very very good looking despite all the tears and frowning. Will you give me a chance? Just look at Gwynnie and Jake imitating math geeks. Have you ever seen a hotter nerd hookup? Once you get me talking I'm not likely to stop. But I promise not to get too specific with my calculations. I know you're probably not into math. I won't bore you with mathemathics --even though I might bore you. Look, never mind. Can you just leave me alone? I need some more time to myself. I have issues to resolve. I'd really like to drink another bottle of wine and mope about on my front porch. I was so much better as a stage play. [sob] Thanks anyway.
C+
All reviews and commentary by Nathaniel R.
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