reviews
Short Notes on: Babel * Casino Royale * For Your Consideration *
Little Children * Shortbus
Movie Personals. Pt I |
It's the return of "Personals" (for previous editions see the ads from2004 (twice) and 2005) When I realize a full review isn't going up, I figure out a way to briefly bloviate. So herewith some 2006 movies that request your affection. Explore your compatibility!
Babel
International hotshot seeks audiences to ooh and awe over its profundity. Multicultural hottie seeks audiences to salivate over its beauty. Globally minded movie seeks Oscar-voting audience to acknowledge it. Anyone? Hello... In truth I'm a mixed bag, eager for your praise but not necessarily your conversation. This is my universe. You are just here to appreciate. Seeking passive appreciative types, that's it! I'm ready and willing to do all the talking. I promise that if you absolutely buy into my 'we are all connected' world of predetermined coincidental miserabilism, we will fall in love. If you don't, well, your loss. I had some great stuff to show you: Brad Pitt crying (he hasn't done that since the 90s!), two amazing actresses you've never heard of showing Cate Blanchett how it's done, and gorgeous contributions from Brokeback Mountain's DP and composer.
B -Casino Royale
"Warhorse, Old Warhorse" Ancient beloved franchise back on the market. Seeking new lovers (young audiences) to help me stay young. Check out my hot new bod: pumped to perfection --notice the "perfectly sculpted ass". Face lift: I'm going for rough & tumble handsome --blonde and blue eyed. Personality tran--: Ha! Got you. As if I'd change that. You're too easy, audience. You already want me and the theme music hasn't even kicked in. I stayed the same for you --I'm still that martini swilling bad ass womanizer you've always loved. Only this time I'm hungry. I'm working it out for you nonstop. I'll wear you out with plotting and thrills, overstay my welcome with a Peter Jackson friendly running time, and still --STILL --I'll have you smiling when that title card comes up: "James Bond Will Return." So will you.
B
For Your Consideration
We've met before. Don't even pretend we didn't hook up! I love making you laugh. Please don't hold a grudge that I disappear on you for years at a time. Remember how easily we fall into each other's rhythms: me all goofy and quippy, you all giggly and surprised at my improv curve balls. I'll throw them again, promise: Jennifer Coolidge provides! If you aren't in the mood for broad shtick (cough *EugeneLevy* cough) I'll bring Catherine O'Hara along to work her insanely awesome tragicomedy magic --remember how much you loved that last time? Yes, before you know it that old affection you felt for me will bubble right back up into your heart or your funny bone --same thing I think (?). Before we go out though, you should know that I'm feeling a little distracted and unfocused. It's not you, really, it's me... I know I promised I'd take you to that big glitzy event but I've already lost interest. Deal with it, I'm still funny.
B -
Little Children
Do you like to read? I'm a film based on an acclaimed novel. Do you like to be read to? I'll do that for you as well. Look, sometimes I overcompensate like that. I have genius actors but I still explain things they're feeling. I have visual power but I think it's literary and vice versa. I began and end with childhood imagery which is beautiful and right but also kinda on point (duh) Still and all, I'm something special. People either hate me or love me. I'm not afraid to step on toes, rock the boat, or puncture your feelings of superiority --I'll puncture anyone's (except maybe my own). I'm on a crusade to expose hypocrisies. If you don't hate me, I bet you'll want a second go at me, just to clarify your feelings ...or to see Kate Winslet and Patrick Wilson again. And no one is going to judge you for that.
B+
Shortbus
Polysexual hipster-flick seeks soulful twenty to forty-somethings to hang with. I come with lots of emotional and psychosexual baggage but don't we all? New Yorkers and those who buy into the myth of "New York City" are my kind of people. But I'm into free love: I want all moviegoers. I'm an exhibitionist and a clown. Let's get naked and laugh our asses off ...or at least laugh into asses. I'm trying to self-actualize and even if I'm an open wound, a hot mess, even if I come across as pretty simple, I'm the real thing. You'll be glad you met me. I'm soulful, searching, funny and beautiful. You be too.
A -
All reviews and commentary by Nathaniel R.
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