because you can't have too much entertainment... November 2000

Reimagine All the People
Charlies Angels Dir: McG. Starring: Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz & Lucy Liu.
The Broken Hearts Club Dir: Craig Berlanti Starring: Timothy Olyphant,

In the dog eat dog world of Hollywood, cannibalism is ever in fashion. It has always been there and will outlast yogilates, namesake necklaces, pain killer rehab and any other trend that you can name. It is a transcendent trend in that it's really a lifestyle. Spinning tales from those previously told is a double edged sword. On the one hand it reeks of creative bankruptcy. On the other it provides a starting point familiar and comforting to audiences... and how many new stories are there really? In the past few weeks two films opened that illustrate Hollywood's desire to feed and capitalize on its own. Neither movie would technically be called a remake --but really--who's kidding who?

Charlie's Angels happily reveals itself to be more of a sequel than a remake. In a rare stroke of originality within the reinvention genre, the three newest angels are not modelled on the original trinity. As anyone over 30 knows the original cast consisted of the sunny athletic one (Farrah/Kris) the beautiful complex one (Jaclyn/Kelly) and the hip clever one (Kate/Sabrina). The new film gives us the gorgeous goofy one (Cameron/Natalie), the sexual ringleader (Drew/Dylan), and the vampy yet normal one (Lucy/Alex) By modernizing the story and delivering an entirely new trio, the film sets up the impression that the Townsend Agency never closed its doors. In fact, if I had an overall complaint, it would be the lack of cameos. Appearances from the original classic Angels would have given the popcorn film more heft as well as scoring a pop culture orgasm. Putting Dylan, Alex, and Natalie in their correct historical context would have also provided the movie studio with the back history advantage of altering the roster in the sequel (if needs be). In an unprecedentedly stupid move the real life angels' contracts did not come with sequel stipulations. So, if the studio wants the Townsend Agency to continue as is, they'll have to shell out massive above line fees.

The enormous fees will probably prove worth it for a sequel though. Drew, Lucy, and particularly Cameron are clearly having a ball here and the joy is infectious. In fact, so fun are the leading ladies that the movie's total mess of a story barely registers. But that said, it's one of those movies where all is forgiven due to massive charisma overload. The film is all about eye candy and in this it more than exceeds expectations. It gets enormous zest from its hair flipping, steering wheel licking, ass kicking divas. So, it drags in the middle. The winking and self awareness outstays their welcome. The characters aren't fully drawn. BUT SO WHAT? Cameron dances hilariously on Soul Train. Drew hasn't been this trashy since Poison Ivy and Lucy Liu works her costumes within an inch of their painted on lives. It's tons of fun and I am ashamed that I avoided it for as long as I did.

After partying with the girls I thought I'd spend some quality time with the boys. While my silly mood lasted I thought I'd catch another light picture, so I took in a matinee of The Broken Hearts Club: A Romantic Comedy. Now, TBHC is being marketed as a "gay Big Chill" or a "gay Diner" so I knew going in that originality would not be its selling point...but I also didn't expect a remake. A remake, however, is exactly what I got. What we have here is no less than the 30th anniversary rerelease of the infamous 70s gay-angst drama, Boys in the Band. OK, it's not a remake per se but its definitely from the same creepy gene pool. (Like watching George W Bush trying to be president.) Boys in The Band received unfortunated prominence in film history due to its status as the first mainstream film to be all about "gay." Broken Hearts will only achieve similar status if it's a big hit. In the year 2000 gay films are not the rarity they once were. The 90s was a terrific decade for gay cinema but if TBHC is any indication we're in for a major trek backwards.

Before I start bitching I will say, to be fair, that the film has a few good moments. An after party scene with birthday candles is surprisingly affective and the hairdressing as therapy riff is pretty funny. TBHC also covers up some of its pacing problems and flaws with good performances but the (mostly) talented ensemble can't save the film. You'd think that some 30 years after BITB that the politics would be more progressive but here we find that the latest generation of gays is no more self actualized than that sorry ass bunch from the 70s for whom "friendship" was basically bloodsport: bitch fights vibrate with emotional violence rather than innocent barb trading banter. The characters in both films are almost identical as well. You have the ugly one who likes to burst relationship bubbles for others so that they share in his misery. You have the central character who is something of a killjoy. He's capable of a lot of love but doesn't realize it. You have the beautiful straight acting one. The headgames. The birthday party. The drugs. The internalized homophobia. It's shameless the way this movie rips off everything about that film. The similarities are, in fact, so strong thatat first I thought the movie was a commentary on that film but it didn't seem smart enough to confirm that notion.

The movie's true self delusional nature comes sharply into focus during a scene where the characters discuss the state of gay cinema. Only then does it become apparent that the director (who is a total "meanwhile" to quote the vernacular used in the film) is taking this all very seriously and believes that his film is really about "us" and "the way we live now". If this says anything about me, my life, or my friends -please shoot me now or make me hetero. I want no part of it.

Note to Mr. Berlanti:
If this film is at all autobiographical, listen up. Your film's lead character begins and ends his narration with how he remembers the first time he realized it was "OK to be gay" but your actual film begins and ends with a group of gay men playing a game called "straight-acting" a topic they are obsessed with. Think about that long and hard. Get some self respect, get some therapy, get some new friends, and call me in the morning.

-Nathaniel

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