From Justin to Kelly...
Continued from Page Two
55:01 I've given up on the plot but it doesn't matter because it's time for some dancing. The girls get sassy in this number.
Must be the madness. And the magic that I feel inside. Must be the music and the rhythm playing with my mind. Must be the chemistyy you and me that I can’t deny. Wanna tell me I love youThat goes on for an hour or so I swear --must be the movie playing with my mind
58:40 Remember Luke from the very first scene? He shows up and there's some confusion (planned by PGTBSB) Justin thinks it’s Kly's boyfriend and then instead of anybody explaining suddenly Justin and Luke are having a hovercraft race on the beach. A contest to win her one presumes if one is attempting to force logic onto this freeassociative musical.
59:03 For reasons that I don’t understand Kelly is suddenly on Luke’s side, worried for him "Luke you don’t have to do this!" This plot is WAY too complicated for me. I think Memento was easier to follow.59:55 They’re still racing. Oh god. Someone tell me this movie is over at the 60 minute mark.
1:00:20 Nope. Now there’s a death scare. Someone fell out of their hovercraft. It’s Luke. There's even blood and everyone gets very excited. Justin looks guilty.
1:00:43 The chick cop returns to give Hornyboy a ticket for illegal hovercraft gambling racing. Hee (x5 ?)
1:01:14 Justin is suddenly on the hovercraft again. WTF? Now he is singing about how Kelly changed his life. Spilling hotsauce on a girl's lap will do that to a boy.
<---- 1:02:42 This song Justin's singing was obviously recorded in a studio and it’s all echoey which is hilarious because Justin is walking out on a hugeass pile of rocks on the ocean. Not exactly echo central
1:03:53 Kelly dumps Luke again. Poor guy.
1:04:18 OMG Plot B is back. I can’t take anymore. Thank God Carlos is so very nice to look at. He tells Anika off for ruining his life. He hates his new sucky job.
1:05:44 Noooooooooo. PGTBSB is still being devious. Isn’t it time for her character arc yet? Justin is such a moron. So Kly sees the two of them kissing OF COURSE (even though Justin pulls away instantly she doesn't see this. People never see the instant pull away in movies) And then she’s sad.
1:06:50 PLOT B!!!!!!!!!!!! CrossCutting Forever!!!! Carlos asks forgiveness. And he has abig surprise planned for Anika.
A contract to star in DREAMGIRLS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[In reality it's just dinner in the middle of a pool but you know how these girls like to get wet]
1:07:53 Oooh girl. Kly tells off her friend PGTBSB. And then PGTBSB lies again. And lies some more. This girl never stops. In that way she's exactly like this movie.
1:08:28 Kly falls for the lies again because she is dumb. Or does she? Kelly gives the camera an ambiguous look. Not intentional I'm sure. It's just that Kelly can't control Kly's face. It's just that Kelly can't act.
1:09:09 Plot C!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Someone kill me. Nerd is still looking for his cyberchat girlfriend.
1:10:04 Ooh, I sense the end is near. Everyone is in the same room. The plots are converging. please end.
1:11:00 Only maybe not. Now Kly and Justin are arguing outside the club. She calls him a player and he emotes right back at her "You’re the one playing games with me. Game over!"
No Justin, No! MOVIE OVER. MOVIE OVER.1:11:35 It would have been so avant garde to end the movie right there. But no ... Robert Iscove hates me.
1:12:23 Now the girls are back together. PGTBSB drops her phone. Oh the plot machinations. Kly grabs the phone and FINALLY realizes what's been happening for the past hour of the movie. How could Party Girl the Back-Stabbing Beeyotch do this? She answers "I just felt like 'Miss Runner Up' "
1:13:25 Now Kly, flush with newfound knowledge walks alone to think it through and it’s time for another ballad. Oh god not another ballad. Won’t someone please make the movie end? Curse you ModFab. May KFed burst through your speakers every time you try to listen to Kylie this year.
1:15:03 Justin has entered the frame. Is the end in sight?
Ohhhh maybe so because you see Miss Runner-Up (Formerly: Party Girl The Back Stabbing Beeyotch) also appears calling herself "The Queen of Conniving" (not another name -my god woman. My fingers are cramping). She explains everything that we already know to Justin and Kly who have been too dense to figure it out for themselves. Plus she has to make amends lest she be voted off the movie. Out damn spot!
She too thinks it’s fate that Justin and Kly be together.
1:16:12 And then the only moment of true shock in the movie. I swear to god that Justin actually sings the first line of the second to last song instead of lipsyching to a prerecorded soundtrack. It’s jarring. Then he takes Kly in his arms and because of the vocal attack I forgot for a minute about the brother sister chemistry problem.
1:17:26 They’re wailing their love song like cats in heat. And then they make out. Finally. But I'll spare you a picture of that.
1:17:53 ...but the movie is still happening. Why? Hornyboy reappears in a group party scene and tells his friend Justin he wants “one last hurrah" He thinks they should "go out with a bang and not a whimper"
This is all so very meta.
1:20:20 ----> Plot C Resolution. Oh happy day. If Nerds are kissing that means the movie truly will be ending.
1:22:00 The final song. A new pop disco version of "That’s The Way (I Like It)" They’ve got choreography!
There’s even a dance break where Justin Guarinie and Kelly Clarkson do a little bit o’ the old robot. Weird.
1:23:26 please end. please end. please end.
1:23:44 Why is Hornyboy rapping? Shouldn't the movie be ending? But at least he's leading the huge dancing crowd forward through rainbow flags (?) The End (Must Be) Is Near. But first: More dancing.
1:25:02 Fade to black. Thank you Jesus. And Justin and Kelly (and Sanjaya)
From Justin to Kelly D
Nathaniel's Sanity gone
back to the beginning with you, you masochist
